All Time Champion Blog - Bands on tour

• World’s Greatest Seratonin Song

  As you wait in line for your Vanilla Bean Steamer (so good!) this morning, please consider the following: 1. Cold cuts and other cured meats contain nitrates which, when combined with artificial sweetners such as those found in diet sodas and chewing gum (of which aspartame is the most common),...(read full post)

  Artists mentioned:
  • You ON TOUR (US)
• World’s Greatest Liberal Cultural Envy/I

  It’s not fair. Not only do dope boys have a monopoly on manliness. They can also completely kill me with a gun. A lot. And they are siiiiick with the ladies. Now, it turns out they also party the hardest and understand what jamz are the most fly? Man. Young...(read full post)

  Artists mentioned:
  • Fat Joe
  • Jay Z
  • Young Jeezy
• World’s Greatest White-Haired Bathysphere Plunged into the Abyss Song

  Statistically speaking, every glass of water that I drink contains at least one H2O molecule that has passed through the stately but oblong bladder of Oliver Cromwell. Cleopatra’s svelte organ, too, briefly held miniscule amounts of water that 2,030 years later would enter my mouth. As did Lenin’s dark red...(read full post)

  Artists mentioned:
  • David Byrne ON TOUR (US/UK)
• World’s Greatest Oh Shit, Here Comes The Fucking Janitor Again Song

  Bob’s the janitor in my office. He’s worked in this office for twelve years and in maintenance for twenty-five. He enters like clockwork every day, and the next four minutes then supersede the previous day’s visit as the most awkward of your life. Seeing-your-mother’s-tits awkward. He speaks wholly in platitudes...(read full post)

  Artists mentioned:
  • You ON TOUR (US)
• World’s Greatest Madness, Not Mediocrity! Song

  At some point in the ‘70s, everything changed for Brian Wilson. The music that he’d made for The Beach Boys (whatever its level of weirdness) was recognizable as made within the pop tradition by human beings. The music that Brian has made since—Love You, Mount Vernon and Fairway, and his...(read full post)

  Artists mentioned:
  • The Beach Boys ON TOUR (US)
  • Brian Wilson
  • Con
• World’s Greatest Tell Me What I Want To Hear Song

  If you’re a straight, middle-class female of childbearing age, and you’re at least moderately attractive, at some point you have been given a mix tape/CD/itunes playlist from a guy. If you were still a teenager or the guy was really insecure, the mix was a desperate cry for approval—please like...(read full post)

  Artists mentioned:
  • You ON TOUR (US)